Homemade Christmas gifts

I'm still wanting and waiting for very inexpensive gift ideas to give to friends, one person suggested just give them Christmas cards.  I have a Hallmark program on my computer that came with my printer if I could  just figure out how to use it.


Please add your comments here.

My new Dr.

WOW I appreciate my new Dr.He came out again today to give me my script for morphine and upped my dosage of the oxycotton.  Hopefully I will get some kind of relief!  I have been miserable for about a week now.  My Fibro has been horrible, mind numbing  go out of my skin type of pain.

.My Blog

I feel like I am only talking to myself so it seems more like a journal than a blog.  I was really hoping to meet some new people but it isn't happening.


What is your favorite Christmas cookie?  Mine is Italian wedding cookies I think we called them snowball cookies when I was young.  I think I could eat a whole pan full all by myself.  They are the round ones with a strong butter flavor, nuts and then rolled in powdered sugar.  YUM!


What are some of your favorite Christmas memories?  I remember my brother and I pulling peppermint taffy.  That was a lot harder than  it looks, but it  was always fun .  I couldn't wait for a big snowfall so we could make snow cream.  It was kind of like ice cream but so much fun to collect the clean fresh snow and getting to eat a yummy dessert just a few minutes later.  My mom and I also always made spritz cookies and sugar cookies. Mom always made divinity, I think that is almost a thing of the past.  Of course decorating the tree probably topped the list.  My best memories were about doing things as a family or with my mom not about shopping or what I got for Christmas.


HO HO HO Merry Christmas until we meet again.

New Dr

The new Dr was an hour late but I didn't mind , it was much better waiting an hour in bed than an hour in a waiting room with sick people all around me.  He did more of an exam on me than than my other Dr. did the whole time I saw him.  He asked me if I had any hernias and I told him I don't know but I do know that I have this one spot that hurts when touched and really bad at other times usually right after I eat.  He came over to me and touched it and said it could either be my galbladder or pancreas and he wants to keep a close eye on it.  My other Dr. really never even touched me to see f it was a hernia or anything.  He didn't charge me for this visit and is coming back Monday even though he knows my insurance won't kick in until Dec. 1st so that won't be a paid visit either.  He can treat all the normal things like fever, flu, ear infections and sprains.  He can even put stitches in if necessary.  He will see you at home at a hotel at work where ever you are he will come to you.  He is much lower cost for people that don't have ins. $85 for the visit and of course lab test are extra he even says they do xrays but I imagine I would have to go on  site for that.  I suppose I could go where ever I want that is closer to my house but I'm not sure.  My nurse wants to start seeing him for her whole family because she doesn't have insurance and he is so much cheaper and a lot more convient than taking her kids 30 miles away to children's hospital.  She is also my sons host home mom.  We really love the Dr. he has but I think she is going to want to change just for the convience.  


It is a beautiful 49° here in beautiful Broomfield, Co I sure wish I could sit out in a chair without pain.  A town near by is having a 3 day winter fest with hundreds of  trees and even fire works one night I wish I could find someone to drive me to look at the lights,  I love another area that the whole subdivision decorates except for a very few that may not for religious reasons.  It looks like a complete fairly tale wonderland.  It is the prettiest thing I have ever seen in my 59 years of life so it much be pretty good cause I've seen a lot of things in my life. LOL  I still haven't thought of a thing I would like to send to my boys in AK if I do end up getting money.  I hope everyone is not stressing out as much as I am about Christmas,  I wish I could just go shopping and get a few things for all the people I love and care about and really enjoy to spirit of  Christmas.  I have a tiny tree for my bedroom and a bigger tree out in my shed but I can't find anywhere to put it up.  I also have a beautiful collection of a lighted Chrismas village that belonged to my mother.  I would LOVE to set it up but there is nowhere to put that either!  My mobile home is just too small :-(  .  I am broken hearted that when I moved someone wither donated, threw out or helped themselves to an old beat up amunition box that was filled with my mothers tree ornaments  some of them were extra special to me because they were bought the year I was born.  I even had a couple that belonged to my mom's mother that died when my mom was 8 years old, but I will always have my memories.  I just wish I had taken pictures of ornament that was special to me.  Some were bought and engraved with the name and year on it ea year I had a child.  I could sure use some ideas of something I could give to all my dear special friends that will cost me very little.  I'm thinking Russian tea mix in a baggie.  I used to give it with a holiday mug from the $ store for ea member of the family but I can't even afford to do that this year.  It is really hard to loose a little over  $1000 a mo and still get by.


Hope everyone is having a beautiful day.  It is a perfect day for holiday decorating outside here.  I don't have outside lights or anyone to put them up for me.  (but I still have my dreams and memories)


Love Darlene

Another day with possibilities

I am going to have to start going around singing "nobody loves me everybody hate me I'm gonna eat some worms."  It seems No One is reading my blog.  My friend wanted me to start writing a book about my life but I can't even get people to read a blog or make comments.


I hope no one was too miserable after eating all that good food yesterday.  My aid was such a sweetheart bringing me a plate, it had turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and Spanish rice.  Her family is from Mexico so things were a little different than this white girl had ever had.  I never had chili powder and a jalapeño pepper in my stuffing before.  She also put squash in it.  It was good but took me a few minutes to get used to it.  She handed me a bowl and said this is dessert and it was candied yams.  I told her my mom always served them as another side dish with the dressing and potatoes and we had pumpkin pie for dessert.  Her sister was bringing a cheesecake but hadn't gotten home from work yet.  I felt like a very honored guest getting served first, and they were waiting dinner on her.  Actually I felt a little guilty.  I am so thankful to have people that REALLY care about me.  More than just for the money.  It really feels good to be loved.


I had gotten my hopes up that I had found a non medical transportation once a week so I could go see my son through his day program but that fell through.


I can't believe what I just found.  A Dr. that does house calls!  Not only that but he is coming  here just to meet me and see if I am still interested in his services.  It's perfect timing, if I call it in before the end of the month my insurance will cover it the 1st of Dec. so I am really excited.  My morning aids daughter is a paraplegic and she just started seeing this Dr. and they love him to death!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

I wish everyone a very happy day full of good food, family and friends.  Please don't forget to give thanks for every thing you have no matter how much or little there is always someone worse off than you that may not have any food or shelter at all today.  Love one another more than you love yourselves.  I may not be having dinner with my family and I my be eating flat on my back but my aid tonight cares enough about me to bring me dinner.  She is such a sweetheart.  I am thankful that I have food and friends that care about me and that we had a roof over our head and heat in the house it was 7° last night.  I pray non of the elderly, sick or homeless people died from the cold.  I live in a small mobile home but it is mine and it is warm.  Thank you Lord for all the blessings you give me.

OMGosh hmm hmm good

I had my aid put a ham in the pressure cooker with 1 c water, some honey and some brown sugar ( sorry no recipe  so I don't know how much of ea she put in)  for 30 min just to infuse the flavors. For some reason part of it was really dry almost like it was freezer burned but I wasn't going to waste a $10 ham so we left it for several more hours on warm (like low on a slow cooker)  Boy was that the right thing to do! That ham soaked in all that fantastic flavor and was nice and moist. My blood sugar went up a little higher but since all I ate was meat it wasn't too bad.  Sorry Honey Baked Ham Store you've got some serious competition here.  Not that I could ever afford one of theirs anyway, but now I don't feel so deprived.  :-)  The only reason I even know what they taste like is my brother sent one to my mom for Christmas about 12-15 years ago.  The only thing I would have liked better is if it had been spiral sliced.  I do miss going in and just grabbing a few slices to nibble on.  I wonder if the butcher at the grocery store now days could slice it while you wait like they do roast into 1" steaks for me when I can get a good sized roast for $2.88lb.  I get one once or twice a year.  I really wish I could afford to stock up when things go on sale but I am lucky to just be able to treat myself to something every now and then.  It is really hard for me to keep my food budget down because it seems like the only thing that doesn't make my stomach hurt really bad is meat.  Unfortunately I don't really like chicken very much except wings. I make myself eat it but I can't really say I like it that much.  I like BBQ sandwiches but I'm not supposed to have the bread.  I also like a good grilled chicken sandwiches with lettuce and tomato but again there's that ugly bread issue.  Fish here in the Denver area seems too be too expensive.  The only things I have found that don't really  make my stomach hurt are ham, steaks, ribs, and tacos and chicken wings and Kung Pao Shrimp.  I wish I could find a good sale on shrimp.. I can't tolerate a lot of veggies either, I do make veggie soup quite often with beef broth and one pkg of soup veggies but I mostly eat the broth. I used to be able to tolerate big pots of bean soup.  I really like it but now beans don't agree with me either.  The Dr. doesn't seem to know what is going on with my stomach.  Like I mentioned before in an older post (i think) I have to be re scoped next monrh, just had it done last month but they didn't like something they saw and want to keep an eye on it. I can't have much sugar or milk products either and not many potatoes.  I have lost 46 lbs since April by severely restricting my flour and sugar and potatoes.  I need a bunch of surgeries if you read my back posts that will catch you up.  The more weight I loose the easier my recovery will be.
I hope everyone has a great day filled with many blessing and be sure to take time to thank God for everything you do have.  I know sometimes it's hard when we are used to having so much more in this day and age.

Money woes

Why wasn't I born rich instead of beautiful?  LOL  actually ROFL  so hard I think I could pee my pants if I'm not careful :-0  !!  I would LOVE to get Todd an eMachines lap top computer that Wal Mart has on sale Black Friday for under $200.  He gave me his lap top when I was having trouble with mine since I am bed ridden and then it went out on him completely about a month later .  Of course he wouldn't have any part of me giving his back to him, he has done without one for close to 2 years now.  I wouldn't even mind a used one. Todd's b/d is also  the day after Christmas and today he just told me he wants to save up his money to buy a $30 Singer sewing machine at Walgreens.  He has been wanting to sew some patches off his old jean jacket onto his new one.  He has mild CP and doesn't have enough strength in his hands to sew them on by hand.  Bless his heart he said that it was too expensive for me to buy for him.  He is such a good son.  He has stayed with me all these years to help take care of his brother that has severe autism and is non verbal and went through about the last 10-12 years of his life being extremely self abusive and occasionally abusive to others.  Todd gave up his whole life to help with him and now that he is in a host home Todd won't leave me.  He feels he needs to be here to help take care of me.  He brings me water, of course helps with any computer or audio video stuff, and brings me my bedtime snack and refills my water so I can take my night time medication, and even makes sure I have an extra bottle of water for the night in case I run  out.  I am on a C pap machine with a full mask and some nights I drink a full bottle of water because it dries me out so badly.  I am so thankful for him and all I have in my life, there is just the family traditions that I miss so desperately. The companionship that comes with a family.
Somehow I am missing a whole paragrah of what I would like to give to my son in the host home.  He needs a heavey duty set of headphones to block out noise and they have a radio in them.  They cost about $70 but I just don't have the money .  All my money goes for bills food and medication and maybe one delivery or bring home some Chinese if I have a late Dr apt and can't have an aid come in to help me get my dinner.  And I have to admit once in a great while I just do it because I feel sorry for myself and it makes me feel sooooo much better and a girl still has to eat.
I pray this finds your families in good health and with all the blessings of your heart.  Remember to be kind to everyone, you never know what trials they are going through in their lives.  Always show your family love you never know when they will be gone.
Till later XOXO Happy Thanksgiving!

My Spine Dr apt

After 7mo I finally got in to see the Spine Dr.  He said the reason I have been in so much pain is the the surgery I had done 4 1/2 yrs ago was done wrong. That why I've been i a wheelchair since about 3 weeks after my surgery.  When they put the rod in they didn't stabilize it and it is out of place and it will be more than a 9 hr surgery to take it out and put a new one in and do it  right. then he wants to look at another disc in my lower back, plus I still have the spinal stinosis & still need a rod put in my neck.   He said he wants me to take a couple of  months to get my heart and lungs stronger.  I have my apt to to follow up  on Jan 21,2011 to look at my Ct scan disc from the other hospital and then decide what he is going to do I had gone to the old Dr. 3 weeks after surgery and told him I thought something was wrong, he didn't do another CT scan and that is where it showed up when I did finally get one done 4 1/2 yrs later.

I was having a great week

I was having a really good time this week.  I had some dental work done for free, picked up some dinner from my favorite Chinese restaurant afterwards,  I had to wait several hours before I could eat it but I LOVE Kung Pao Shrimp! LOL  Yesterday my neighbor brought me some salsa from one of her favorite restaurants so I really enjoyed that and then she went to Arby's and brought me back a roast beef sandwich and seasoned curly fries.  


Then today came along and the lady that was supposed to bring Duane over never called all week even after I left her a message. When I tried to call her today her phone was disconnected.


I have a love hate feeling for the holidays.  I LOVE having friends and family over for an open house all day Christmas day after the main meal and opening all the presents are opened and there seems to be the let down so  it is nice to see people and the kids telling what they did for Christmas.  The problem is I have no more family to come over for the big dinner and no friends to come over to visit me in my bed.  My son that still gets excited about presents lives in a host home and it is doubtful that they would ever bring him over.  I'm sure the respite care worker will be too busy if I ever hear from her again.  My B/F gives me some money but it is too late to go spend it on my friends and family.  I HATE being alone on Christmas and Thanksgiving and I HATE not having money to buy presents for everyone I care about.  Sometimes I actually have chest pains and wonder if I am going to die of a broken heart.